Live and love again
Read this verse, and thought about you my friend:
Matt 14: 24 But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary.
25 And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.
26 And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.
We are like these disciples sometimes: when we find ourselves in trouble, and cry out to God, and He actually shows up in power, many of us get scared of the very one who has come to deliver us.
It has been said: If you live in a graveyard too long you stop crying when someone dies.
I remember after the death of a family member, how I hurt. I had spent months, perhaps years in fervent prayer for their healing, but they died anyway. Inside my heart, I simply gave up. I attended one of myriad conferences down at what was then known as ‘The Toronto Blessing’, and like many times, went for prayer and ended up knocked down on the carpet, as several pastors gently laid hands upon me and were praying in the Holy Spirit. I whispered to the Lord, ‘Lord, I hurt…My heart feels like a stone inside of me” Suddenly, in a vision, Jesus was kneeling beside the pastors that were praying for me looking at me with deep, intense, love. I asked Him, Lord, “Why will you not heal my heart?”
Suddenly His countenance changed, and He was angry, and He said: ‘Because you will not let me!”, and I suddenly saw it. I had walled Him, and everyone else out of my heart, a prisoner of my own pain. It hurt too much.
Yet He knew! He cared, and like a dam breaking, I began to shake and sob and say, ‘Lord, I’m sorry, it hurts”, and like a rush, His power shattered the dam, and I wept until I could weep no more. Felt like pus being drained from a wound, but the pressure, the pain, was gone. My grief, sorrow, heartache, and ‘clinical hardness’ of heart were washed away. It was such a deep experience, that I went home after the meeting, and slept 12 hours.
Yet, the burden was lifted, I was free to love, to live again!
Maybe you are right there. Something horrible happened in life, and perhaps for years, you compartmentalized God, keeping Him out of the most painful areas of your life, because it simply hurts too much.
He is coming to you, over the wind and the waves….
‘Jesus, do for them, what you did for me. Give them the courage to receive your love, your touch, your savage inbreaking of your love. Take out the bitterness, the hardness, the trauma, and break down the walls so that we can live and love again, Amen’